The Masks wearing me...

In the mirror my face I see,
a heaviness of a thousand masks I feel.

I try to smile,my teeth I see,

passion I want to feel, but only fame I sense.

Freedom I wish to express, only words come out,
love I imagine, emptiness I find.

One by one I remove these masks,
anger, hate, envy but love nowhere to be found.

End I reach my face to feel,
laughter I see not teeth, warmth instead of eyes and love all around

Shout "happiness" I that moment,
carelessly trying to interpret and not experience

He shares his passion and and I talk my fame,
slowly what is left is his love and my pain

Stay with him is my desire but a puppet I am to my master,
bury him I here and let my masks wear me again

A far feeling I have for my search for truth,
maybe it goes inside and not outside.

Slowly the layers of illusion kicks in,
and all the love and feelings becomes foolish grains of sand....

My darling sails away...

Oh my darling, she sails away to the sea,

I think its not her spirit that drives her away but me.

On her feelings and soul I used to feast,

To fuel my transformations from man to beast.

About  my ambition and future I always made a fuss,

never could see the dreams she had about us.

My thoughts and dreams were only about me

Even the day she left only my pain I could see.

Oh my darling she sails away to the sea,

I think its not her spirit that drives her away but me.

The first time I saw her it was morning or maybe noon,

she was strolling somewhere listening to some tune.

Over time I saw her in some path or way, 

my eyes turned away but my heart choose to stay.

In some sense she was very normal and plain,

 but why I fell for her is something I can't explain.

In a matter of time me become we,

And from each other's eyes the world we started to see.

oh my darling, she sails away to the sea,

I think its not her spirit that drives her away but me.

But the leaves of live started to whither,

 and the sleeping snakes in my mind started to slither.

Talk became just words and love started to bind,

in her that plain girl my heart could no longer find.

From our eyes not love but blood started to flow,

Why her feelings were becoming my obstacles I do not know

I wanted her close when she was far away, 

but when she is close I  want her out of my way.

Oh my darling, she sails away to the sea,

I think its not her spirit that drives her away but me.

Let me ride .....

Let the reins of my horses cut free,

and they ride dreaming the world they see.

Let not the weight of men hold them any more,

nor shall their fears of sea or shore.

No purpose to complete no destination to go,

with free will I ride swift and slow.

Beyond the horizon I ride with my kin,

with the sun by my side and the wind brushing my skin.

Want in my stride and freedom in my veins,

my body bruises but feels no pain.

Burying my past and forgetting my future I ride,

neither man nor god I am on no one's side.

Free Wolves

Wolves of my life flying free at night,

howling their pain which still stays tight.

Together in the wild they hunt for prey,

but kill their own if out the pack they sway.

In the wilderness only on each other they rely,

but after the hunt solo they prefer to fly.

commitments and feelings they want to stay away,

but they dont know why to social contact at night they give way.

why this feeling is a thought that hurts when they feel,

the more they run away the less the wound heals.

they strengthen the feeling without understanding it,

and a feeling of brotherhood starts to evolve bit by bit.

Eventually they start to connect during the day,

but not realize that at a night they are now the prey.

Life seems to be moving very fast,
have to catch up cannot end up last.

Commitments, work eat away my time,
but what to do have to get every dime.

To my teeth I confine my laughter and smile,
happiness and interest I have not seen in a while
 
Gold and flesh more and more I want to gain,
never thought about my emptiness getting filled with pain

Love I start to slaughter, feeling I lose,
lock up my pain is what I choose.

Sever my bonds and alone I sway,
and thats when the door gives away.

Skin cuts the knife, neck hangs the rope,
cries of pain I remember, was there ever hope?? 

Darkness......

White as doves people initially appear,
but time and interaction swiftly makes the veil disappear.
Vengeance and frustration creep out of the blue,
but for happiness there has to a clue.
"Love" has become synonymous with flesh and lust,
hearts are just structures of filth and dust.
Divorce and infidelity has became such a part and parcel of human life,
that this legalized prostitution is also called as "Husband and Wife".
The long legs of money have kicked innocence into the bins,
and "god" has been made a mere coolie to wipe away the sins.
"Freedom" and "will" are just words that appear to stand tall,
but the chains of "society" and "order" have slowly bound all.
Invisible crowns have taken control of our heads,
for them we are ready to take even snakes and scorpions to our beds.
Sun takes away the darkness of the night,
but what about the darkness that holds our souls tight??

The Walks...

Walking is one my most favorite stress busters. A week back I walked from college to adyar depot in the evening. During such lonely walks, I start to think about things in my life to forget the length of the path.The highlight is that the matters start to flow by your mind at a fast pace without inspiring any deep thinking as the focus is partly on the road as well, but as time passes my mind takes grip of some matter and starts to analyze it through various different angles.I became so engrossed that for a moment I forgot the purpose of the walk. Things which have been on the stand by for a long time start to emerge center stage , get a bit revised and return to their place. The major highlight is the past recaps which happen on seeing certain posters, events, shops etc, sort of relive the whole event and feel the same emotions whether envy or anger or joy to an extent much more then the original one due to progressive increase of that emotion with time. Then comes the thoughts of things I want to be or i wanted to do in the past, during this particular walk I thought about reliving my college life, things i wanted to do like beat up certain people, understanding some friendships to a better extent, being stable(thats a big change) and so on. Slowly the thoughts vanished and i started to notice people on the road, all serious faces eager to reach their destinations. Frustration dripping from majority of the  faces, ready to pick up a fight to cool off their anger. others were on cloud nine, showering their happiness all around without being aware of it while some were puzzled by some problems or thoughts. The thing i felt that people were so engrossed in their anger, problems, depression that slowly the happiness and joy from their lives was getting sucked away and the road betrayed this fact very easily. One more interesting fact was that the people on the road were divided not on the basis of caste but on the means of transport, each level was so involved in envying and making his way to the next one that they forgot to enjoy the moments. "Higher level" people hardly respected anyone, and people who had made their way to these levels loathed the lower levels to the same extent. There were people who wanted to make it to the top level no matter(a sort of restlessness) what while others had lost faith and made no attempt to improve(they could not), one close look and everything was like an open book because like me they were also thinking all these matters.The things I have mentioned seem very vague because thats how these are , and moreover sometimes things are better off in a vague fashion.