Confusion

confusion, a word which is all over my mind all these days. I am at the best time of my life for now supposedly, am just 21, have a job with a 6 lakh package, college symposium president, good academic record and so on but the questions that haunt my mind are "What next" and "Why". People say that i am settled, my life is on the correct path now and so on but i feel what is "settled", good house, good pay, peaceful life , what next then, you have a good pay, you aim for a higher pay and the cycle goes on till you drop dead one day. What is the true meaning of life then?? running after things which are replaced by things more "Precious " then them. People are some much interested in becoming stable that they give away the things they like, their is a confusion over liking and fixed format but the "fixed format" wins due to terms like "Society", "Stable personality" and so. These formats are so rigid(they seem the opposite though) that they restrict our life in a narrow alley , this creates more confusion but the dire wish to "fit in"  Seems as if life is a game whose levels are fixed namely work, promotion, marriage, assets, savings, pension, "happiness" and so on and the money is the booster, we move from one level to another without even realizing why we are moving but we never question as it is hardwired into our system. We hear that "man makes his own path" but also hear that "God has already  decided the path", seems contradictory, doesn't it!!!! Every time a man fails, he is consoled by the fact "this is not the path for you", people are so confused by things that they want a  reason which will put the guilt on things like "destiny" and "fate" which gives them lot of self sympathy and a sense of satisfaction that they are not wrong but the path is.  Next thing is "GOD", the biggest confusion till date, people dont know who god is but still worship and have faith, some say he lives in "Heaven" while some says he is omnipotent but has anyone seen him , to this people say that "GOD can only be felt", an answer which is sufficing  their confused state of mind. Why people are laying more faith in some entity they cant see than on their fellow humans.When a "good" person is facing troubles, it is termed as "Test by god", when "GOD" knows everything, when he has set the path himself  and written everything then why test a person?? is this a game where humans are the puppets?? The thing is this entity is created to just console our confused mind during troubled times and to find  reasons that put situations in a paranormal context("out of our power, only god can help")  and with time and generations the entity has become so much embedded in our system that we term it as faith, devotion etc etc. This is just a mere amount of the wide spread confusion all around the world, but people are alright as long as the confusions are emotionally satisfying, the problem will arise when the confusion start to confuse!!!

Death..

Death is such a powerful force, in the sense that even the mildest encounters with it make you forget every thing else. Recently a boy from my college had gone to the beach with his friends, he got carried away the waves and drowned although his friends told that he was an experienced swimmer, this betrayed that fact how much ever man may become power, he is still at the mercy of nature. Coming back to the main story, hostel authorities reached the spot and asked a few people from the hostel for assistance, I and five other hostelers went, the saddening fact was that we had asked atleast ten other people to come but none were willing, it was sickening to see that human life had become so worthless for people. There was a sense of excitement, curiosity and fear (very pathetic terms to use in the context but they were there) as I never had had an encounter with death. The college staff members were present there, but as time flowed by, they started to leave which was very disgusting as it was their duty to stay till the end and take care of any emergencies. To them their personal interests had become so important that the death of a student(would have been their son's age) appeared to a minor event, only three staff members stayed to deal with the situation. When a body drowns, it starts to drink water and takes about 5-6 hours to come back to  the surface. We had reached the beach at 3 pm and at around 7, there was a news about a body being sighted near a spot called "Broken Bridge"(a uninhabited spot near beach ). At that moment, all of us literally ran to the spot, we observed three people carrying the stretcher with the body to our side of the shore, from the moment i saw the first sight of he body everything changed , there was no more excitement or curiosity but loads of fear. My mind was running very fast and analyzing multiple things like the body, the life of the boy, the end of his journey, his studies, thoughts, dreams, his parent's happiness and the fact that everything had been wiped out in a blink of an eye. 5 hours back was a human enjoying his college life with friends, fresh with success and enthusiasm and now he had been erased never to be seen or felt again. Then came the thoughts about his parents, the trauma they were about to face, the love they held for their son, their memories right from when he opened his eyes to the moment nature closed them forever and so on. All these thoughts running at such an alarming rate finally caused a blackout, the darkness was so prominent that it engulfed everything - my dreams, ambition, friends, parents, memories and so on... the only things i could see were darkness of death and the consequence of its power in front of me. Then we carried the stretcher from the shore to pathway nearby for the ambulance to come, i was holding the middle and during the course of transport the boy's hand rubbed against mine, that was the point where fear took over, the touch sent a scary chill down my spine, hands began to tremble and it appeared as if all the world had disappeared, i was still not coming to terms to the fact that the boy was dead, the thought that one day i would too be engulfed in this abyss covered my mind and took the fear to new heights. Conversations became scarce that night in the hostel, we had been silenced by the mere glance of the mighty force. That night i could not sleep, the boy's face kept haunting my dreams and my hands trembled the following day as well. Next day at college , people were so interested in the details of the event that they did not realize the main picture, everybody was giving his probable versions of the scenario, physics of water drowning were discussed and so on, at first i was shocked and very angry over the pathetic response to such an event, then my brother explained that my classmates did not experience the feelings and emotions that i had felt as they had heard the news from a third person. They did not experience the true exposure but only a mere imitation of it which could never penetrate inside. The event taught me that no matter what you are, what you do, how much power, money etc you have, death will have you eventually and that it was better to accept this power  and face it rather then fear (fear will always be there but its extent is the question here) it.  

Life......

Throughout life we suffer from pain,

but I dont know what the fuck we gain.

People trying to exercise every bit of their power,

and other people's agony they start to savor.

Folks lick your feet when you own all,

and the same tongues spit when you fall.

Happiness has become a mere effigy of material pleasure,

and people have slowly become sources of leisure. 

Love is the veil hiding the poisonous fangs,

blinding your mind when the hammer bangs.

Venomous frustration & vengeance clogging your serpent veins,

soothing you with sanity even when your are eternally insane.

Golden liquids seem to take you to heaven in a flash,

but with each peg your soul they slash.

People so busy running after flesh and money,

fail to realize that like bees they will get struck in honey.